Another new year is about to start
We're all invited to take part.
The countdown has started, hip hip hooray
2017 has arrived and it's the first day.
Today will be just like every other
Unless you're Michelle Edge who's a little older.
When we wake up later and it's already light
Just imagine everything's going to be alright.
Because this is the year the shit hits the fan
When Donald Trump becomes, The Man!
If Theresa May can trigger Article 50
We'll be kicked out of Europe rather swiftly.
Geert Wilders is knocking at the electoral door
It's probably going to start the European War.
So just turn back over and close your eyes
Nobody should have to see the world's demise.
2018 is upon us this year
What it holds we have no idea.
The year ahead is not very clear
No defined future we have to adhere.
Don't worry there's nothing to fear
If the world ends then we won't be here.
Something from afar we can hear
People celebrating enjoying some beer.
Everyone say with me and cheer
"Hip Hip Hurray and a Happy New Year".
Every day can bring something new
Don't let tomorrow be like d?j? vu.
What do you do with your spare time
I like to write and make things rhyme.
Some people like these little things
Others say, you can't write you silly old thing.
But when it's quiet and there's nothing to disturb
I think about the day and things that I've heard.
I pick a subject and write the first line
Hoping that something good pops into my mind.
Then if all goes well a story I build
Until my page is almost filled.
When I'm happy with what I've got
I check if for errors and that's my lot.
Thank you for reading this little rhyme
I bid you farewell until next time.
The sun rising in the morning
Still tired still yawning,
Eyes sore and burning
Trying to see the clock hands turning,
Arms out stretched to the sky
Needing a cuppa tea, mouth so dry.
Electric blanket cooking my body
Alexa in the corner playing something jolly.
I should start to get ready
My legs are very unsteady.
Until next time I'll say goodbye
Have a great day or at least please try.
Another year older
But I don't feel any colder.
I've not hit that age where I need a jumper
Or wear a coat in the middle of summer.
I still remember the names of my children
Where did I leave my keys, they seem to be hidden.
You don't have to yell at me, I'm not deaf
At this young age, hopefully I'm not near to death.
When I was young I had adventures
Now I'm old I'll soon be wearing dentures.
Out on my bike every day all day long
Soon unable to know right from wrong.
Skating along Southend seaside streets
Now unable to stand on my own two feet.
So much fun, every day would seem to fly
Now years pass by in the blink of an eye.
Growing up we looked for interesting facts
Now all I have to look forward to are flashbacks.
Hurting myself might have got me to cry
Falling down now, just leave me to die.
The cold days should be upon us by now
But the one thing you won't see here is a snowplow.
It feels like a nice spring day outside
Even Santa would be mystified.
I've got blossom on my trees
And it's blowing a light warm breeze.
When the winter suddenly hits we'll be shocked
Playing with the snow in gloves and thermal socks.
My heart is pounding within my chest
It's four in the morning, again I'm stressed.
It's probably my skill set that lets me down
I should have just become a circus clown.
Clowning around would be more fitting
Seeing this rubbish my fingers are spitting.
I thought writing would calm my nerves
It sometimes helps, if memory serves.
I'm going to try again and get some sleep
As tomorrow now begins to creep.
You are so beautiful each and every day
Beautiful in each and every way.
It doesn't matter what people say
You're beautiful whatever comes your way.
No matter if you're up close or far away
You just keep going on your merry way.
Nothing gets you down you're always okay
Head in the clouds up to the Milky Way.
Monday morning through to midnight Sunday
You'll never change, it's in your DNA.
As the clouds of sleep enter my world
It starts off easy all warm and curled.
Then as sleep becomes REM it starts to turn Grimm
My life has changed been smashed on a whim.
I escape down an alley running from a beast
He's looking at me like I'm some kind of feast.
When I look behind there's nothing in sight
Suddenly I see a creature with a vicious bite.
If I die before I wake...
It better be a dream for goodness sake.
Will this nightmare never bloody end
There's something horrible around every turn and bend.
I've woken myself by talking aloud
With a smile on my face looking so proud.
Was it bad or was it good
I can't remember a thing, I wish I could.
As I drive into work everything becomes hazy
These other drivers on the road drive me crazy.
A red mist surrounds my car
What a f'ing twat in that Jaguar.
The words out of mouth are extremely blue
As I'm now being held up by a pss'n BMW.
Please just move over into the left-hand lane
This is a bloody road not a bloody chicane.
I must keep calm as stuart keeps telling me
Or this could be the last year I might ever get to see.
Now things have slowed I can chill a bit
Because some prick has taken a nearside hit.
Lucky for me my journey is almost over
Wait, here comes an idiot in a massive Range Rover.
Madonna has released a new video
Thought she was over... hell no!
This bitch is back with style
Make it loud, turn up the dial.
A star studded crew to help her out
Even Chris Rock is there to shout.
Nicki Minaj aided, giving us her range
Nice, she's half naked for a change.
Alexander Wang in the most amazing clothes
Black fluffy top and jeans, did he choose those?!
Primark will have a field day with style
They'll push the boat out, about a mile.
I'm trying to lose some weight
Need to do something before it's too late
But my problem is I'm so sedate.
I lost a bunch when my ex-wife ran off
I thought doing exercise would payoff
Was probably that I didn't have food to scoff.
My size is all over the shop now
Sometimes I feel like a fat cow
Others I really don't feel like chow.
The plan is to get to my ideal size
Fat is all over my body not just my thighs
I better stay clear of the KFC fries.
Of course Christmas is coming soon
Settling down in my bed like a warm cocoon
Eating peanut butter from the jar with a spoon.
As I lie here thinking what to write
I need something soon or I'll be up all night.
The laptop screen glares in my face
As my mind begins to race.
I try and think of things to rhyme
But all of this takes a lot of time.
Then suddenly I have a thought
Good or bad, an idea of sort.
Maybe I write about here and now
About me thinking and talking out loud.
Then I notice I've written a rhyme
It really didn't take any time.
My next rhyme might be better than this
Or maybe I should just give it a miss.
About to give birth to a baby girl
Going through nine months of living hell.
Home bound for another nine
She's going to be going out of her mind.
We'll all be there for her if in need
She'll need a break, yes indeed.
She's been counting down the days
Now it's near just moments away.
Hurry up girl and get her out
We're waiting for someone to shout about.
She can be really horrible, you want to do her harm
Luckily seconds later she's full of charm.
Jittering about like she's discovered flees
Making you laugh, bringing you to your knees.
At times gets you angry just pulling a face
She could be Arnold Rimmer, sometimes she is Ace.
Parents unknown, looking really Chinese
We all find it funny, she's easy to tease.
Looking cute you would think heaven sent
Soon a monster who is paying rent.
Kids aren't to be heard, just to be seen
Another year older, she just turned thirteen.
In this world that we live
We all have something to give
It might only be something small
Even if it's just a simple phone call.
And when push comes to shove
We might only be able to give our love.
So take this moment to do what you can
Offer some help with an outstretched hand.
The compassion from the human race
Could be our only saving grace.
Another Christmas has come and gone
Some thinking 'what else could go wrong!'
First the kids didn't like their presents
Then of course mother had one of her rants.
And when the turkey went up in smoke
You were looking for someone to friggin choke!
Next it was time for wine to cover the floor
Who the hell is this now knocking on the door!
'I don't care about your bloody faith' they hear you yell
'I hope you all go straight to hell!'
Shouting 'Ain't anyone going to help with the dishes?'
'You shouldn't have got rid of your missus!'
Finally you got through to the end of day
'We'll do it again next year' you hear them say�
I like to laugh, I laugh until I cry
I think this is how I want to die.
When someone gets hurt I find it funny
I even laugh when someone asks for money.
Somethings aren't funny but still make me laugh
Like getting kicked out of nightclubs by security staff.
When the laughter get really really bad
I make noises that are seriously quite sad.
It starts with a chuckle that's not out of place
And ends with tears running down my face.
Then people around me start to grin
After a while they can't help but join in.
We don't know why but it continues to build
Until the once quiet room is totally filled.
Suddenly the raucous laughter comes to a stop
It's so very quiet, you could hear a pin drop.
This seems to happen again and again
I think we're all probably quite insane.
Again it's that time of year
When we should be in good cheer.
But again i'm suffering from yet another cold
This is probably because I'm getting old.
I'm sure I have my daughter to blame
'It wasn't me' she would no doubt claim.
When someone asks 'did you have a good break'
'No, I was bloody poorly again for goodness sake'.
It better pass in a few days time
Or I'll be slagging her off in another rhyme.
Little by little we struggle through life
Slowly cutting through with a very blunt knife.
There's so much crap I don't know where to start
My life feels like it's falling apart.
I think therefore I am
But I have no idea where I stand.
Life seems to have dealt me quite a blow
Couldn't be much more of this left to go.
When there's little left to say
Life's pulling no punches I don't wish to stay.
I can leave this life whenever I want
Then it'll just leave my ghost to haunt.
I've enjoyed death as a ghost
I think it's time to find a new host.
Now I wait in the Chamber of Guf
I've been sat here long enough.
I hope the next life is better than last
There is a future the rest is in the past.
For over a week I suffered from H3N2
I'm sure you've all had something that's like a flu.
When the virus takes hold you know what you've got
It ain't a simple cold that fills you with snot.
Life itself is dragged from your body
Unable to move as your limbs have gone floppy.
Seven pound of my bodyweight has been eaten away
My body is looking like it's starting to decay.
When we were younger it was called Captain Trips
You know you've got it when every orifice drips!
Kids do say the strangest of things
Sets your mind spinning in circles and rings.
When they're not talking they scream and shout
I wish they'd just shut the hell up or at least go out.
Sometimes they can be really nice
Then of course they can be as cold as ice.
When they're young you care for them night and day
Soon they grow up, then you don't have a say.
Sitting around the house thinking they own it
Thinks he's the boss and I'm just an old twit.
All of their friends they dress so gory
It's like they've all read a Stephen King story.
I'm told it's just a phase and they do get better
I really preferred him when he was a young bedwetter.
Now they've grown and left me all alone
I wish they'd just visit me at my retirement home.
I never see them anymore
Death is knocking at my door.
As I'm dead and buried and my soul ascends
I hope one day they read this and it makes amends.
In the morning you can't decide
Cereal or toast with jam on one side.
Should it be coffee to get you going
Or orange and tea to keep you flowing.
Sandwiches are always good for lunch
Or maybe soup, and biscuits for brunch.
Around four it's another cuppa tea
A few more biscuits you'll have to see.
On the journey home a nice chocolate bar
It's always nice when you're sitting in the car.
Once home it's time for dinner
You shouldn't really, You'll never get thinner.
Oh what the hell, it's only food
What goes in, only gets poo'ed.
Have you ever had a burning desire
To burn some rubber off your tyres.
Pressing the pedal to the floor
Listening to how the engine roars.
The brakes glowing like red hot cinders
You don't need them, they're there to hinder.
Get this baby to 88mph there's something to find
Back to the Future is in the back of your mind.
Lots of corners so better take it easy
Might clip a curb and that will look cheesy.
Now back onto the open road
No need for signs or the highway code.
People whizz past like a painted blur
Just listen to this baby purr.
At times I think I'm simply going crazy
I knew I would before I'm pushing up daisies.
Forget what I'm doing from one moment to the next
Often ending up completely vexed.
It's the mornings when I forget the day
Or having to ask everyone 'what did you say?'
I'll end up sitting on a bench waiting for something
Is this really who I'm becoming?
I really should be doing something around here
Should I be scared or have I forgotten what to fear.
Have you ever had junk mail
Something saying, Hi I'm your pal.
Some guy who says he's your friend
Telling you truths with slight twists and bends.
He found an old relative of yours
You know, of which you, he most adores.
Over the years you gave so much pleasure
So he's written his Will and left you some treasure.
All he needs now is some kind of clarification
To appease his boss and give you some satisfaction.
He needs 500 dollars to get the ball rolling
Before the rest of the family can start their trolling.
Hold on a second this must be a farce
Does this moron think I'm an arse!
I don't even have any relatives living in Pakistan
I'm pretty sure I don't have one called Jhalawan.
I've seen a lot of crap in my life,
Of which most was caused by my ex wife.
She kicked me to the curb after many years,
Even so, when she left I still shed tears.
Things have changed for the better now,
I no longer think of her as a f'ing cow.
She gave me a daughter of which I'm proud,
Even when she's a pain and being VERY LOUD.
Now we listen to music on a Friday night,
The house is jumping until a new daylight.
This is to say thank you to my ex wife,
You really did change my life.
Whatever the day and whenever the hour
My ex wives are never sour.
I love them both very much
For giving me kids I love so much.
I don't communicate as much as I should
But my silence is better understood.
As a husband I know I wasn't the best
Phew, glad I got that off my chest.
Still don't have much more to say
But still love them both come what may.
Only seven weeks until Christmas
All the parents getting in a fuss.
With lots of presents one must find
Deliveries to the door to be signed.
One might venture to the store
But it all seems like quite a chore.
Cd's have had their day
Just download them from far-away.
Cute plush toys have been replaced
With cutting-edge tech, stuck to your face.
Kids the lot of us from 3 to 99
Something's not right, we've lost our minds.
People don't bother to visit or call
A Merry Christmas text to one and all.
As folks go off to do Christmas shopping
Leaving kids flitting and hopping.
With only a few days left to buy those gifts
These damned queues really need to shift.
Half the stores have nothing left in stock
Others expensive your granny you must hock.
Once all is done you have some time
To wrap everything before the bells chime.
The children wait eagerly in their beds
To hear Santa's sleigh above their heads.
In the morning they all rush for their gifts
With sleepy eyes and lots of snotty sniffs.
Something niggles in the back of your mind
You forgot the gift tags you've already signed.
I've been trying to decorate
The house is in such a state.
Madison's room was the first
So excited, I thought she'd burst.
She only sees it once a fortnight
Even though, I better get it right.
I'm not very good at this type of work
But I'll do it as I'm not one to shirk.
She saw it today and was very happy
That really makes me a happy chappie.
That's the first done out of eight
When it's all finished, it'll be great.
Even if it doesn't go to plan
To fix it I'll just call a real man!
I thought it was only the paint that stank
I might have to call Caz's dad, Frank!
Yesterday has gone and passed
Today is here but it definitely won't last.
Tomorrow is approaching really fast
The future will shortly be in our past.
Shadows of the day are being cast
History set in stone, it's been a blast.
Sitting here with a friend of old
Telling stories having already told.
Travelling miles to get here for this
From a house of quiet bliss.
Listening to this constant chat
Eating and drinking now feeling fat.
Talking until it is almost dawn
Need some sleep before the morn.
You wake to greet another day
Friend waiting with even more to say.
It's time to give a fond goodbye
You say 'It's been fun', but that's a lie.
'Next time we should go out instead'
As you leave with an aching head.
You'll do it all over next time you attend
You don't mind really, as you're forever friends.
From time to time I look at myself
And think I should check my mental health.
I've clearly gone around the twist
I remind myself by making lists.
Yesterday is just a passing blur
All my words are beginning to slur.
Drugs just to keep me from going insane
Even more for all my aches and pains.
When I'm not on the dreaded pills
Fruitcake feet cheese colour daffodils!
Today we saw an eclipse of the sun
We stood outside for five minutes of fun.
Everyone looking up into the sky
Trying not to go blind as we spy.
Some used phones to reflect the light
Hoping for a once in a lifetime sight.
The sun being 400 times the size of the moon
400 times farther away, perfect position to loom.
But then it became too much to bear
The sun is too much for eyes to stare.
The internet had a better show
Where you could see the radial glow.
Then it all came to an end
Not to be seen again until centuries end.
It's funny the things we post
Some barely funny at most.
Pictures of people doing things
Most will make you want to cringe.
Videos of folks having accidents
Or doing strange things with rodents.
Laughing at kids for staying at home
Mocking pokemon hunters on a roam.
We all 'thank god for the internet'
Having friends that we've never met.
Whatever happened to days of old
Telling stories over the fence in the cold.
With such a start our life starts
Blood rushing through tiny hearts.
Dark world replaced by blinding light
Eyes opened to amazing sights.
Ears once muffled now hear sound
Noises coming from all around.
The once peace and tranquillity
Now everything is so busy.
Here we go again, thrown in my car seat.
Face being tugged by everyone I meet.
Don't these bastards remember being young
I don't care for that spittle off his tongue.
Peek-a-boo I really can't stand
I'll piss in her face when she moves that hand.
What the hell, she found that funny
Whatever the weather, this world is sunny!
You girls have something to thrust,
Giving the guys something to lust,
Some don't see what's all the fuss,
It the full package that's a must,
You have that, we can trust,
It's a done deal, it's a bust!
I keep thinking I should get a pet
But no doubt it'll end up down the vets.
I used to have lots of dogs and cats
Strangely they never got into any spats.
My daughter wanted me to get a snake
Of course she doesn't live here for god sake.
If I could I'd never have an animal again
But what do I know, I've only got half a brain.
Next thing I know I'll have another animal
Now she wants something that runs the Grand National.
I lie here within my bed,
Life clinging on by just a thread.
The years have taken their toll on me,
My memories so distant I can barely see.
As the hours pass by it's no surprise,
I edge closer to my ultimate demise.
I can hear birdsong from outside my room,
A small assurance my soul isn't doomed.
As I take my final breath,
I go silently into death.
I bought my daughter a ticket to his concert
Little did I know she'd need a bloody sweatshirt!
Dropping it off at her house she was surprised
Didn't expect for me to leave it I can surmise.
She went bounding back into her house
Waving her hands at my ex spouse.
I guess she was pretty happy with her gift
She better wear it or I'll be really pissed.
It's doesn't take much to brighten someone's day
As long as Harry knows how much I had to pay!
For the last week I've been quite poorly
My head pounding it must end surely.
Thursday my health started to erode
By the end of day my head wanted to explode.
Friday my head became really muzzy
My eyesight was turning warm and fuzzy.
Saturday I couldn't move off my sofa
I really was beginning to suffer.
Sunday, vomiting whenever I moved an inch
I really was starting to feel the pinch.
Monday unable to move much more
I wasn't going to chance going out my door.
Tuesday I've started kicking the pain
Until afternoon when it all started again.
Wednesday started like the day before
By the end of the night my head quite sore.
Thursday didn't seem very promising
At least I was no longer vomiting.
Friday the pain left my head really fast
Hopefully it gone and in the past.
I'm lying in bed with a very bad cold
A wuss when it comes to illness I'm told.
But trust me when I say it is really bad
I think it's the worst I've ever had.
All will be well in a day or two
Unless it's something more, like the flu.
A glass of Jack to kill off some germs
The whole front of face feels like it burns.
Snot is streaming from my nose
Should get some rest I suppose.
Going through Datel, up the ranks
Telling everyone to do the plank.
Keeping fit using strange techniques
Every time her weight hits a peak.
She has her good days, some are bad
Steve is leaving, now she's really sad.
A virus has struck everyone at work
But as usual she's not one to shirk.
Day by day she is on the mend
She'll do everything she can until days end.
Without a doubt a friend, colleague and such
We really do love her oh so very much.
Far too lazy to go outside
Just want to stay in and hide.
Lazy is the word when I think of food
So lazy my tea is now really stewed.
I'm way too lazy to get a haircut
Too lazy to open the door that is shut.
I'm even getting too laZee to spell chck
So utterly lazy I really don't give a heck.
It's only for one night of the year
When everyone thinks it's good to fear.
Kids are screaming as they run to the door
Clambering past each other, each one wanting more.
'Trick or treat' they shout as the door opens wide
Each one looking like they might have just died.
Each one taking sweets and a glowing stick.
Better give treats or you'll suffer a nasty trick
Most of the sweets have been spirited away
All probably eaten by the end of the day.
Turning the lights out, trying to hide
Time for a late night horror, trying to decide.
Should it be The Fog or maybe The Thing
Possibly Evil Dead or even The Ring.
Settling down with a drink in hand
Finally decided it's gonna be Zombieland.
With the life that we live
We have so much to give.
From the warmth of our arms
To keeping people from harm.
Aiding people worlds apart
Every little comes from the heart.
To all those who do their best
Thank you and God bless.
I want to be friends
From the start to the end.
Definitely my sexual partner
And that's just for starters.
Then ultimately a lover
Until you find another.
It's the small things in life that make us feel great
The good, the bad and the ugly, it's all left to fate.
Don't take your eyes off that screen as the one you might find
Is sticking two fingers up, taking the piss from behind.
Life's too short to be taken for a ride
Just watch porn videos and grab a tissue from the side.
Grab a dvd or blu-ray and watch some cool stuff
Remember your goals, you're just an old chuff.
Now close the laptop lid as night becomes day
Close your eyes as we have nothing to say.
You wake to a new morning with rain pouring outside
Might as well stay indoors, crap weather I can't abide.
This time comes once a week
I open my eyes and take a peek.
Too early to leave the weekend behind
Another week for me to find.
Slowly I struggle to get out of bed
Clearing the fuzziness from my head.
Tea and toast to get me going
Suddenly I want to write a poem.
Not even seven, I couldn't sleep
Eyes pinched shut for ages counting sheep.
Time to get up and start the day
Looking forward come what may.
My mind is racing once again
My sleep again has been slain.
Sleep doesn't come very cheap
I'd pay the devil to sleep for a week.
Head pounding and eyes burning
Keep looking at the clock hands turning.
Soon the time will catch up with me
As it's now the morning sun I see.
The time is now here for daybreak.
Another day, trying to stay awake.
I'll try and sleep again tonight
If I can stop looking at the moonlight.
With all the Marvel movies coming out
Something different to watch is what it's about.
We wait for the end credits to fade to black
To see what Disney might have in their sack.
What's our next movie with superheroes
DC and Marvel fight over the movie trolls.
Marvel with their non-killing minions
And DC killing people in their millions.
Along comes Godzilla to stomp on your head
Hold on a second he's our friend instead!
It's okay we still have Tetsuo to beat us to a pulp
Unless Akira comes and sends him off to sulk.
I'm still going to watch whatever it is
Unless Peter Berg gets in a 3D tizz!
But I guess taking an epic war conception
He's still got Fire in the Sky obsession!
Going on a journey from here to there
Driving in the car, stuck to the chair.
Stuck on the road all day long
You've got some music so you can sing along.
Hundreds of miles you're driving today
Just to hear what your mum has to say.
But you don't really mind as you love her so much
Even if she does mainly speak in doubledutch.
And at the end of the day she'll bid you farewell
Thank God it's over, it's been a living hell.
With a wave of his hand you begin to revive
Moving slowly but still barely alive.
It starts slowly at first, a few pops and bangs
Then you notice the twitches and twangs.
From within you notice a quickening beat
Unable to stay still you raise to your feet.
As the blood starts to rush through your limbs
He looks at you with a menacing grin.
A rush of cold air washes over your skin
Nothing can stop this now, not even a Mickey Finn.
Finally when you've lost all control
The DJ's sounds have got into your soul.
I look out my window and see the rain
All the sun washed down the drain.
I hoped for a nice warm spring
Now it's my clothes I have to wring.
I guess the sun will eventually shine
Not quite yet, just shivers down my spine.
Heating comes on at the crack of dawn
Soon it'll be the summer we all mourn.
Summer sun, we will be surely deprived
Autumn would have quickly arrived.
Then a long bleak cold winter spell
I'd rather be in the hot heat of hell.
Christmas comes and we get something nice
Only to slip and fall on some slippery ice.
Back to spring and the eternal cold
This bleak town has it's hold.
Frozen stiff, faces grimace and grin
We stay here through thick and thin.
We see him at night in our dreams
Childhood memories make us scream.
Hands cloaked with razor sharp knives
This is what he uses to take our lives.
For years the children have walked in fear
Looking over shoulders to see if he's near.
As the years pass by we learn to forget
Washing away memories of getting upset.
He haunts our children now, as it starts again
Something has to be done, it's become a bane.
We track him back to the building of past
We'll make him suffer, with pain to last.
Burn flesh from his bones in heat hot as hell
To his death we scream, shout and yell.
Now he's gone and we can rest in peace
Unlike Freddy who is now the devils feast.
Another year has almost gone
I hope you've all done nothing wrong.
Santa won't be happy if you're on the wrong list
I know for a fact he'll be really pissed.
You won't get those presents you've been wishing for
He'll miss you out and go straight to next door.
Remember to send him a list of what you want
I really don't think he's mind reading savant.
And if he does finally come to your house
Make sure you're asleep or as quiet as a mouse.
If he knows you're not asleep or in your bed
He'll probably gut you and leave you for dead.
When you're down on your luck
And your life is beginning to suck
Feel like you've been hit by a speeding truck
And you're ready to run amuck
You're up to your neck in shit and muck
Remember you just don't give a fuck.
This is the journey straight out of hell...
Your perfume fills the bus with it's exotic smell
As you comb your fingers through your hair
It makes me want to look and stare.
You make this journey every day
I sit terrified as I don't know what to say.
The bus makes you sway from side to side
Making me anxious, wanting to run and hide.
As the weeks pass us by you become just another face
All is lost, I'm going to lose sight of you at this pace.
You look over your shoulder with amazing eyes
Is it me you're looking at or one of these other guys.
Then out of the blue you say 'Hi, what's your name'
Looking around nervously, sure someone is playing a game.
You don't give up 'You in there, wakey wakey'
Suddenly blurting out 'Um, yes my name is Blakey'.
Day by day I'm getting older in every way
I'm getting smarter but losing my way.
Old age should make you wiser with knowledge
Forgotten so much I need to go back to college.
I've seen things, some quite amazing
Like shooting stars while stargazing.
Everyone around me moves so fast
My days of running are well in the past.
Days went so fast when I was younger
Looking back it's those days I hunger.
When I was a kid we had no computer
Our idea of fun was a two wheeled scooter.
My body has seen better days, it's falling apart
I'm really now just a knackered old fart.
I better hurry and finish this rhyme
Before I die and run out of time.
I've been in pain all day long
Close to tears, I must keep strong.
Whenever I move I feel great pain
It's my back, the place I have strained.
I used to be able to touch my toes
Now my back has simply froze.
It's not my spine so it must be a muscle
I'd remember if I got into a fight or tussle.
It's from my kidney to below my arse
The pain so intense this isn't a farce.
In the morning I'm being driven into work
Unable to drive I feel like a jerk.
Hopefully manage to dress myself tomorrow
Or my drivers hands I will have to borrow.
I've been looking forward to getting my house back on track
With a decorator being paid to paint and fill in the gaps.
He's armed with brushes and paints to get the work done
To bring my house back from looking like a slum.
Starting with the living room he makes a good start
Leaving the rest looking like it's falling apart.
Dining room next but he's left quite a mess
Something's are wrong, these he will have to address.
Living space done but still has its faults
Things better get fixed or he's not worth his salt.
Working his way up the staircase, things looking bright
I've asked him to remember to change the lights.
Once that's finished just the projector screen awaits
Then all should be done and looking just great.
Looking forward to having my home back again
This whole endeavour has been quite a pain.
With the dawning of this new year
Comes the sound of the years greatest cheer.
Like those set in the past
They always start but do not last.
This next year will bring great joy and woe
Pulled along we just go with the flow.
Not another some might cry
That's okay this one you might die.
Others see it with great glee
Looking forward to things they might see.
Whatever your outlook on what's to come
The future's not set, destiny's keeping mum.
Sitting here quietly on my bed
Trying to remove the day from my head.
Listening to music to swallow the day
Clouds of mystery slowly come my way.
I have a drink to slow my mind
This day can finally be left behind.
Chilling to sounds from Anthony and Flea
This is the life, I do decree.
The early hours of morning approach
Tomorrow does shortly encroach.
Some people are made to be nice
Others are nice but with added spice.
There are those who are self obsessed
Sometimes nice but then quite possessed.
Then you have the nasty bunch
Doing you harm without throwing a punch.
Lastly you have the truly bad eggs
Only too happy to break your legs.
I hope I'm from the top of the list
Nice to everyone and above all a pacifist.
If I ever meet any of these people
Remember, I treat everyone as my equal.
I have a fly buzzing around my head
I'm trying to sleep lying in my bed.
If I have to get out of bed
The little bugger's going to wind up dead!
I pull the covers up over my head
Maybe it'll fly off down the hall instead.
I've got him cornered in the en suite
He'll probably love the toilet seat.
In the morning I'll douse it with the shower
While it sits upon an orchid flower.
He's looking a little worse for wear
It's probably dead but I really don't care.
When the shit hits the fan
And you don't know where you stand.
Do you pull or do you shove
Does friendship turn to love.
Should you really make a break
It's your life you goodness sake.
Should you fight for what you want
Instead of looking all nonchalant.
At the end of the day
It is what it is, come what may.
Tomorrow will always bring something new
Whatever you do it's up to you.
I was thinking about my life
Whether I should find a wife.
They always say third time's a charm
Oh what the hell, who can it harm...
Finding someone that fits the bill
Should really be quite a thrill.
I've got no style, charm or chat-up line
To entice a gorgeous creature to be mine.
Like a rabbit caught in headlights
I stand there frozen, dying of fright.
How the hell did I get married twice
At this rate it won't be thrice.
Now the UK is out of the picture
Will the rest want to ditch her.
Nobody said divorce was cheap
We've cut our ties, no longer sheep.
The pound is sinking really fast
Cheap holidays are in the past.
No more trips to France for cheap booze
You can stay in bed for a Saturday snooze.
More trips for folks to the U.S of A
We'll all need visas just to get away.
Remember for most life begins at 40
Come join the club Europe let's all be naughty.
Light shining in my window bright
Intense it is it hurts my sight
Still holding my eyes shut tight
Struggle with the sleep I fight
Longing for a day that's right
Trying not to suffer today's plight
People argue just to excite
Best to avoid any type of fight
Looking forward to a today's twilight
Sorry but I don't have more to recite
Have you ever had internet so bad
When watching tv just makes you mad.
In a world of HD and Ultra HD
When all you can see is old Sad D.
In a world of 55 and 84 inch screens
But still restricted by the lowest means.
My little old BT Exchange is surrounded
By Infinity cabinets keeping it grounded.
Gavin Patterson helping as best he can
Sending Lee Sales to calm this old man.
It's faster for me to ask a friend
So I can collect my film at days end.
But I still pay the same as Infinity
Ten times slower, I must be silly.
Did I say ten, I'm clearly crazy
My internet's so slow, we call it lazy.
From the time we open our eyes
Until we head to bed and say our goodbyes.
We hold on to them throughout the day
Mostly with nothing remotely to say.
We sit longing for a buzz or a squeak
Just so we can take a peek.
You pick it up thinking maybe it's your turn
Who's should it be is of no concern.
Come on you damn thing make some noise
Give me some gossip from one of the boys.
As the day drags on without even a peep
Much more of this and I'll be counting sheep.
At last you hear a welcome noise
Oh yes that sound is one of life's little joys.
As you go to grab it it flies out of your hand
Making a crashing noise as it comes to land.
You pick it up with a caring embrace
Thinking, I knew I should have bought it a case.
Now you'll never know what was said
You'll just have to see who it was in person instead.
The wind whistles around the house
Everyone inside is as quiet as a mouse
Waiting patiently for the clatter on the roof
From the sound of a reindeer hoof.
The silence broken with a distance sound
With the cries of a man, rotund and red gowned.
He's checking his list to see who's been nice
Wait a minute, this can't be good, he's checking it twice!
Hoping to have done nothing wrong this year
Or there won't be any Christmas cheer.
Letters posted to Santa throughout the year
Wishing for presents to suddenly appear.
Better close our eyes and go to sleep
Or he'll vanish if we sneak a peek.
It's my birthday today
So I don't care what you say.
I've got to this age of old
My body soon will feel the cold.
The aches and pain are beginning to show
As my limbs are starting to become slow.
My eyesight is almost nearly gone
Could I be nearing my deadly swan-song.
For a day I'll get some attention
Then tomorrow I won't even be mentioned.
Thanks to anyone who remembers my day
As tomorrow this memory will fade away.
It all started when I was young
I noticed I was highly strung.
For days on end I could not sleep
No matter how much I'd count those sheep.
Finally my body had no choice
It had heard the Sandmans voice.
But as quickly as it came
Sleepless nights came back just the same.
Days, weeks, months even years would pass
Until my sleep-full nights came at last.
Now the slightest bit of stress keeps me awake
Nothing helps whatever I use or partake.
Along comes another sleepless night
Tiny bits of sleep awoken in fright!
I lay here waiting for my sleep to arrive
At least this way I know I'm alive!
There's not that long left on the calendar to go
Until we might see some white Christmas snow.
All the children wait patiently throughout the year
For Santa to bring them some good old Christmas cheer.
The north-pole is very very far away
The kids look out to glance at Santa's sleigh.
Hows Santa deliver all the presents the children say
Santa manages to fit it in in just one long day.
Did you know that Santa has but one single clause
To see if you've been good and done all you chores.
A Merry Christmas to all and to all a Goodnight
The children then wake but he's far out of sight.
There's always next year to see him again
I hope I get to go on the Polar Express Train.
This time of year is all about the parties
People popping pills like they are smarties.
Folks walking around out of their face
Telling friends to keep up the pace.
Everyone seems to be with someone wrong
When they get home they'll be singing a song.
In the morning you sound rather horse
It must have been all that yelling of course.
Later that day things start to get worse
You knew that Facebook would be a curse.
Your partner sees and lets out a sigh
You beg forgiveness because the photos don't lie.
All is not over, the worst is yet to come
There's a phone call, oh no it's your mum.
Face down, face up
I want my mind to shut the hell up.
Too many things going through my head
About the things today were said.
Everyday I wake in the middle of the night
Sometimes peaceful, others with a fright.
Then I struggle to get back to sleep
Nothing helps, even counting sheep.
The dark of night begins to dawn
Suddenly I'm tired and begin to yawn.
Knowing I'm going to have to get up soon
Needing sleep before the alarm starts to boom.
Suddenly jolted, I must have slept
I didn't notice, upon me it crept.
Now so tired I fall back to sleep
Missing my alarm not even a peep.
The day is long and with lots of stress
Clambering back to bed I start to undress.
Before I'm done I'm in the land of nod
It won't last long, this sleep's a sod.
Turning over, again and again
This sleep is such a waking bane.
Always with the airs and graces
But we all know you've got two faces.
A smile, wave or gesture
But all you really do is pester.
When you've done something wrong
It's always you that's singing the song.
You should stand up and be counted
When the story is being recounted.
And when the shit finally hits the fan
Just accept it and take it like a man.
Driving in my car I see the world go by,
I don't know if I should laugh or cry.
There are people who won't drive in the left-hand lane,
They made all these new roads clearly in vain.
Wind turbines now fill our scenic views,
Fuel bills so high, electric companies can't lose.
Buildings painted to blend in with the sky,
Plant more trees to hide them, give it a try!
Congestion charges to drive your car into town,
I'm not surprised these shops are closing down.
Driving alongside the same people everyday,
Car share with them and stop the worlds decay.
Driving in my car I see the world go by,
We really should look after this world we occupy.
For a moment here we are
We can only go so far.
With every step and stride we make
We leave destruction in our wake.
Without any concern for what we do
We would do better if only we knew.
Destroying everything with untold sin
We leave this world to our next of kin.
Trying to fix misdeeds one by one
We right the wrongs we have done.
When do you call it a day
There is nothing left for you to stay.
You've run the whole nine yards
It looks like death is on the cards.
The Grim Reaper is knocking at your door
While the Devil drags you through the floor.
Death has arrived and you have succumb
The final journey has just begun.
Nails are holding your casket closed
Your body has started to decompose.
Your soul is now free to roam
To seek out and find a new home.
Next time you hope to do things right
Just make sure to stay away from the light.
Living somewhere they've broken into
You would have thought the owner has rights too.
You try to evict them with some haste
At the end of the day it is your place.
Before too long the place is a tip
If they leave the cleanup will require a skip.
It was once such a pretty little house
Now it's full of shit you'll need to delouse.
With so many buildings going to ruin
Why the hell did they choose my dwelling.
They've made their home and built a nest
When one lot leave we await the rest.
When the crap hits the fan
And you've got no more plans
It's time to call it a day
Venture forth come what may
Tomorrow isn't even in sight
The future could well be bright
Run for the hills, don't look back
You were probably going to get the sack
Now tomorrow is about to arrive
You better be quick and look alive
Do you grab the sunrays of the day
Or tail between legs, turn and stay
When the night draws in and the lights go out
Every word you say sounds like a shout.
The dark of the world begins to show
Hiding the day, time begins to slow.
Squeaks and taps turn to screams and bangs
Reflections in the window are beasts with fangs.
Trying not to fear what is not around
Ears hearing every tiny little sound.
Unable to sleep your mind keeps you awake
Soon this unsilent night has to break.
Shortly the morning light will start to rise
Holding your breath hoping nobody dies.
You got through this night without a scrape
Next time there might not be any escape.
I had a really vivid dream last night
It was almost like I had second sight.
The threat of mass extinction looms
We hide ourselves in our panic rooms.
Nothing in this world will stop what starts
Why do we live just to break our hearts.
People worried if they will survive
Waiting for the bombs to arrive.
Living in a world with no cross-border ties
Watching the news as everybody dies.
Life's complicated before we start
Then we arrive to take part.
Our younger years are full of fun
Simple life of playing in the sun.
As we grow things start to change
First our bodies become strange.
Then our lives become more involved
Now we have started to evolve.
We start to live an adult lifestyle
Life is like going through a turnstile.
With a few bumps and knocks on the way
We fight through day by day.
Along the way we make some good friends
Some with us until the bitter end.
Katie went to Stone Farmers Market
Dropped off as there's nowhere to park it.
Sunny it was when she first left the house
I'm pretty sure it wasn't water she wanted to dowse.
Many an item she didn't want to miss
The weather changed from this mornings bliss.
Now looking weathered from the rain
It's another day washed down the drain.
Back at home for a drink and to get dry
Straight onto facebook for a quick outcry.
When do we get a chance to look around
To experience all the sights and sounds.
Everything screams past so very fast
It should all be going in a total contrast.
Stop, stand very still and chill for a while
Not back and forth like in a spinning turnstile.
Look up for once not down at your phone
It's better to look around whilst you roam.
Listen carefully to all the birdsong
Because soon it'll might all be gone...
From the time I wake
Until I lock myself away
I see people I don't know
Some looking my way.
On the drive into work
There's folks who stare
Looking at me
Thinking that I don't care.
Passers by slow
Giving me a glance
They might be nice
If I gave them a chance.
Standing in a queue
I hear a snide comment
I chip in and laugh
Not knowing for whom it's meant.
I'm sure the future
People will be more friendly
No more hate and anger
Living in harmony.
I've seen many a story take place
Even though I have no face.
People have been through many an affair
It doesn't affect me so why do I care.
Relationships have come and gone
I'll still be here when they've all moved on.
These walls will stand and never sway
Even when everyone has lost their way.
Now something new comes my way
I stand here for another day.
My daughter's going to be over again
God, this evening could be a pain.
She got the new bed she's been after
But the room will soon be filled with laughter.
'You seem to have forgotten something'
Is what I'm sure my ears will ring.
She wanted her room decorated
But alas that will have to be belated.
'I'll get around to it' I will assure
Something she's definitely heard before.
Next up will be to remove the old cabin bed
Until then I hope she doesn't bang her head.
You never listen to what is said
As you clamp your hand around your head.
Who wants to listen to this all day
When you don't give a crap what they say.
You know youve heard it all before
They keep on, it's making your head sore.
They just sound like they're squawking
You really wish they'd please just stop talking.
The kids in the street hated this old guy
They used to make him pissed and sigh.
Footballs being kicked against his car
The man thought, 'this has gone too far'.
Out his front door he would march
They just yell obscenities at the old fart.
As time past they were no longer kids
The guy had nothing left to forbid.
Now they have become very different
Probably still think the old guy's an f'ing c*nt.
Olivia has become a very charming young woman
And Jord, clearly as respectful as his old man.
I guess we all learn something with age
It's all about 'time' as we turn a new page.
As dusk begins to fill the sky
The bats of hell begin to fly.
Strange noises start to sound
Filling the senses from all around.
You notice something over yonder
That's clearly not the way to wander.
You smell the stench of decay
Telling yourself to runaway.
Chance to make your escape
This must be all a big mistake.
Slipping over, now here you lie
You can't believe this is how you die.
Head pounding you drift away
When you wake it's another day.
All is silent you defeated the demon
Unless it's your soul its finally eaten.
Seeing you walking down the street
Makes my heart always miss a beat.
Passing by at the same time everyday
Just hoping you might glance my way.
But you never seem to notice me there
Even though I'll stand and stare.
Then one day you happen to glance
Maybe I really do have a chance.
The rest of my day is full of joy
I'm like a giddy little school boy.
The next day and there you stand
But once again I'm the invisible man.
All hope is dashed and washed away
Will you ever see me again, it's hard to say.
Your time has come it's time to leave
This old world as you live and breathe.
It's been a blast that's for sure
As you leave this earthly shore.
People pay their last respects
Making amends, whispering their regrets.
As your body is left to rot
Friends leave, home they trot.
Folks gone back to old routines
You're not part of the eternal machine.
Whatever happened to the place we go
Time down here seems oh so slow.
Maybe you're not dead wishing to be found
Stuck there six foot underground.
Good luck getting out, you don't have a chance
The Grim Reaper is doing his deathly dance.
It's been a journey from start to end
I've been down the west coast with my friends,
Matt an 'accountant' with hair of steel
Pali a man who likes to thrill,
Casey Hardcase our new found friend
I think we all wish it wouldn't end,
We have seen many a sight
Most of which an awesome delight,
Beaches covered with tanning seals
Roller Coaster rides to give you chills!
Tijuana was probably full of drugs
Just say no, it's just for mugs!
Canyons so grand they must be seen
Vegas strip, stop it! This poem's clean!
I need another holiday, this one's been a real drain
We'll see you all soon, we're boarding our plane.
I awoke this morning after a restless sleep
I'm sure it was sleep just not very deep.
Driving peacefully into work along the A34
The car in front doing a u-turn, I slam my brake to the floor.
A woman driving erratically as I'm approaching Stone
You'll never guess but she was texting on her phone.
Then being told it's shoddy products that we make
But the latest is even worse make no mistake.
Only a few days left until our friend leaves our side
He's taken up the role of our mentor and guide.
I wait for some sleep now that the day is gone
Closing my eyes I hope nothing else will go wrong.
As the morning shines into my room
The rest of the day begins to loom.
I open my eyes, slowly at first
Notice my throat is dying of thirst.
To the kitchen I go to make a drink
I drop my cup squarely in the sink.
Into the shower after my tea
But first I must stop for a quick pee.
Driving into work I sing out loud
Smile on my face looking so proud.
I greet my workmates as one becomes ten
At least one of these people must be a friend.
We please our boss as much as we can
Using tiny chips that are made out of sand.
We have good days and bad
Some days are fun, others, just sad.
At the end of the day when work is all done
We head back home chasing the sun.
Time to put your feet up and kick off your shoes
Have something to eat and maybe some booze.
Head up to bed at the end of the day
I close my eyes and it all fades away.
Pulling the cover over my head
Night clinging on by just a thread.
Sun casting rays through the window
I call out for the night not to go.
Still some time before the alarm
Just lie still and stay very calm.
The alarm has now tried several times
Each time louder with annoying chimes.
I better get up as it's getting late
It's this time of day I really hate.
The last two weeks sure have been fun
Spending time just me and my son.
During the day he was at my work
All-day-techincal, not another shop clerk.
Everyone seems to have enjoyed his stay
Some said, rather him than his dad any day.
Each department left its mark
Enjoyed them all, he did remark.
He didn't leave empty handed
Came away with mind expanded.
In the evening it's films we saw
Horror's best, he watched in awe.
He jumped out of his skin many a time
Then some random word I'd hear him chime.
Now he's gone home and I'm all alone
Not a problem, we're a techie company, I've made a clone.
I do like to pull your hair
It's really to show how much I care.
I want to knock you about
As I like to hear you shout.
I've got to treat you really mean
You really do know how to scream.
That's it, I'm going to give you the bone
You know how I like to hear you moan.
Just get your knickers off
Bend over and try not to cough.
As we look into the world we cohabit
With uncharted domains covering our planet.
Exploring new worlds seems so far-fetched
Beckoning visitors with arms outstretched.
So much undiscovered life lives within
Discovering places is easy with Google Maps Pin.
Adventure awaits us everyday of our lives
Do yourself a favour and stop being deprived.
Step outside and explore something new
You'll see what I've told you really is true.
You better go now before it's too late
Now keep on going as your journey awaits.
What once used to be serene and green
Now poisoned, dying and unclean.
Towers of blocks carved from scenic rock
Visionary vistas destroyed and mocked.
Buildings left to rot and decay
Turning to rubble, beginning to fade away.
Mother nature trying to build anew
Hoping to rebuild what once there grew.
I want to have nice dreams
Not where everything is coming away at the seams.
Where the future looks bright
And the world isn't one big fight.
Kids are safe to walk the streets
Everyone is moving to the same beat.
Strangers greet each other throughout the day
Rather than look at you and say 'GO AWAY!'
Where folks don't moan that there isn't any sun
Like anyone would notice whilst having so much fun.
It's all in your mind and it's simply playing tricks
None of this is real as we live in the Matrix.
Does it make you wonder
What if you didn't make that blunder.
Going to see a film with your daughter
What if you didn't, would you be in hot water?
Too busy to lend a friend a helping hand
What if you did, together you stand.
Shunning that someone who's down and out
What if you shared a bit of your clout?
Standing still and not giving a damn
What if you didn't would it make you a man?
When the day has turned dark,
And all in the house is still,
You start to hear noises,
Suddenly you let out a shrill.
Pulling your head from under the covers,
Looking nervously into the dark,
You see something move slowly,
Then the dog makes a bark.
You decide enough is enough what could it be,
Throwing back the covers jumping out of bed,
Stepping through the dark, something sharp under foot,
Falling to the floor you land bad and crack your head.
Coming round you slowly open your eyes,
Glittering speckles fill your surroundings,
Everything around is suddenly very quiet,
Again another noise, your heart is pounding.
A light shines from across the room,
That's it you can see the little stinker,
The fridge door has been flung open,
It's the bloody R Whites Lemonade drinker!
Every morning is colder than the last
I wish we could leave this winter in the past.
Having to scrape the car from under a blanket of ice
Half clean windows will have to suffice.
I remember the days of snow up to your knees
Making snowmen for hours as your fingers freeze.
Now we wish for sun to warm our bones
Looking for holidays on our mobile phones.
The light is getting dim and the day is almost over
Much more of this and I'll die from exposure.
The day becomes night so very early
It's dark as we start our homebound journey.
Everyday I get people knocking on my door
I've been wiped out from ceiling to the floor.
They knock and knock so I sit and wait
For them to leave back through my gate.
I don't think these people appreciate
My bank balance is a bit of a state.
I was locked in for years when the interest rates fell
And now there's nothing for me left to sell.
The government thinks they're helping us out
If I had savings even that would make me want to shout.
They think we can afford to spend spend spend
But now my lifelong job has come to an end.
I don't know what they expect to find
I had to do a runner and left nothing behind.
Now I sit in a cold bleak subway underpass
Waiting hoping one day one of my kids might wander past.
The handouts I get do make me grin
After a week I sometimes have enough for a bottle of gin.